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Aesthetic Perfection

Thanks To MEntal shiver on myspace.com I have listened to an awesome Industrial band. It will make my days better. I love finding new music that doesnt remind me of chris. WEll I'm debating going out or not still even though its about to be 11pm. I want to go out but my eyes are so heavy. Plus I'd have to go dressed up really goth and TRavel alone on the train back and forth. But aleast music is helping to keep me entertained. Too bad I dont have speakers so I could clean up my room while i listen to the music.
I went out yesterday to a hiphop club in little korea. It was alright but definitly not my type.I mostly stuck to myself. But It was a distraction from myself. I got to leave my house. and talk to people.I got to smoke ciggs without guilt. I got back to being single and it was really nice.
I changed my hair and look. I still am heavy I weigh alot almost the same as my prego weight but i think I should get that in check soon. ALthough I am comfy with myself aslong as i dont look down or in a mirror.
I am in therapy now. I'm trying to get over my emotional issues with chris. I am trying to numb myself to him. So that when I see him again I wont want to jump his bones. It will take time. But I have hope that it can be acomplished. I just wish to have a block of these recurring memories of he and I together.for a few days I would talk to a picture of him and tell it/him that he should come back and take care of his daughter., that he should come back to us and be a great man/father/boyfriend to us.
Well back to me changing my hair. I was supposed to re-dye my hair blue but the store didnt have the color. So yesterday i picked up Cotton candy pink and toner and bleach. I bleached and dyed my bangs/fringe Hot pink which ppl think is fuschia or purple.I get pissed when ppl mistake it for purple cause I associate that color wiht a person that I loathe. So I thought that I would have blue hair and pink bangs but I figured that wouldnt look good.Cause what i really want to do it Have orange hair to match my sweatshirt. So what I ended up doing is bleaching my bangs liek three time and my scalp hurts real bad now and I dyed the rest of my hair jet black. Once the black and bleach was washed out I toned the bangs and hten I dried my hair and put the pink in. before that though the bangs came out grey adn I figured there is nothing that I'm going to do about that tonight so I just Left it and did what i had to do.Now my bangs are hot pink and the rest is black. its a change i needed. I painted my nails pink. I think this is a combo that isnt really scene in the cybergoth scene. But This change was well needed. So after a couple Of black dye jobs I will bleach my entire head again and then put in Napalm Orange. I'm surprised that I'm not depressed about having black hair. I look really different. I'm happy. The black makes me feel metal.and the pink is a definte attention graber. All my new "friends" were shocked by the change they were all like "but blue is who you are" "why would you change" I just needed to do somthing different.but they said that it looks good this way so yay. Oh yeah and my hair is STILL soft thanks the the dove intense damage repair shampoo and conditioner.

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January 2010
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